Things I Say to my Dogs (That make me sound like I’m parenting children)

Daisy and Rubes - ready for a drive in the car
Ruby and Daisy – ready for a drive in the car

It occurred to me recently that a lot of what I say to my dogs, would be equally at home with parents of children. These are the things that I say to my dogs that I’d probably also say to my kids (if I had some).


“Don’t put that in your mouth.”

“You break that, it’s going in the bin.”

“Don’t pull on your sister’s ear.”

“Don’t chase the cat.”

“Your sister’s sleeping – leave her alone.”

“If you’re going to fight, do it down stairs.”

“Stop chasing lizards.”

“Who pooed on the concrete?!”

“Don’t play on the verandah – you’ll fall off and hurt yourself.”

“Argh! Quiet! Mum’s trying to work!”

“It’s bedtime. Go to sleep.”

“I don’t care what the other dogs are doing. You’re not doing it and that’s that.”

“Don’t steal your sister’s food.”

“Get that out of your mouth!”

“If you don’t go to sleep, I’ll lock you under the house.”

“You only get treats when you’ve done something good/eaten all your dinner.”

“Yes, that’s a new puppy next door. No, you can’t have one.”

“If you give me what you’ve got in your mouth, I’ll give you a treat.”

“Don’t bark at the postman.”


See? I’m perfectly qualified to have children.

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